


Five Steps

by SociallyAwkwardFox (Maze_Runner_Fae)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Denial, Depression, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Quadriplegia, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, character with disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 23:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10545966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maze_Runner_Fae/pseuds/SociallyAwkwardFox
Summary: As a vigilante by night and a dancer by day, Cassandra Cain's whole life is motion. However, when a freak off-duty accident leaves her permanently paralyzed, all the plans she had for her future are cast into doubt. With the support of her family and the love of her girlfriend Stephanie, Cassandra begins to face a life without movement and reinvent herself.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [milleniumrex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/milleniumrex/gifts).



> This work was commissioned by milleniumrex/wombatking (Tumblr). I had a wonderful time working on this for you. I hope you can it enjoy it for years to come!

She loved the way the rhythm felt like it was filling every inch of her body from her head down to the tips of her toes. As soon as the music started she got lost in the melody and the movement and the familiarity of it all. Dancing, she found, was a lot like fighting. Her body had to move in complicated twists and tight spins as she moved across the wood floor with a practiced ease. The beat of her heart was a steady tempo inside her chest and every move had to be made with the utmost precision.

When the song came to an end, she was left standing in the middle of the room with arms thrown wide and her eyes focused on her reflection in the mirror. Slowly, she eased down from her pointed toes and let her arms drop down to her sides. Her eyes continued to watch every move she made in the mirror, judging every tiny shift in her body as critically as possible. Even though the music stopped, the performance wasn’t over until she stepped off the imaginary stage she’d been dancing on. With her head held high and her arms loose but unmoving at her sides, she walked to the corner of the room she kept her bag and water.

Letting out a little exhale, Cassandra dropped to the ground with her legs crossed and brought her water bottle up to her lips for a long pull of the cold liquid. Her eyes roamed around the small ballet studio her adoptive father had turned one of the many rooms in the mansion into after she mentioned her love of ballet. It was a simple room with light wood flooring, a huge mirror taking up one wall, and a ballet barre on the one across from it. She liked the simplicity of the small room and found it to be a calm space she could come to whenever she needed a break from all the noise and bustle of the rest of the Manor. Despite the fact only six people actually lived in the large Manor, there always seemed to be an endless number of people filling up the countless rooms. Luckily, they all respected the spaces in the house reserved for someone’s peace and quiet time.

The sound of her phone going off pulled Cassandra from the almost meditative state she’d fallen into while resting. She took one glance down at the device, then immediately swiped the screen to unlock it. Stephanie’s message displayed in deep green font on an off-white background Tim had been kind enough to set-up after she mentioned the brightness of the white bothered her eyes. The message was a simple announcement of Stephanie’s arrival at the Manor, but it brought a little smile to Cassandra’s face. Despite the fact, they’d been dating half a year now, the novelty of it had yet to wear off and a simple text still caused her heart to flutter in delight.

After slinging her bag over her shoulder, Cassandra pushed herself off the ground and trekked through the many corridors to get to the kitchen. While Cassandra and Stephanie had grown closer over the past few months, the animosity between Stephanie and Bruce remained strong as ever. Their distaste for each other was the reason Stephanie always came in through the door in the kitchen leading to the garden, instead of the front door. It might have seemed odd if it weren’t for the fact she picked the habit up from Jason, who’d been doing it years before Stephanie even started coming to the Manor.

Upon opening the door to the kitchen, Cassandra found Stephanie conversing with an exhausted Duke soaked in sweat and favouring his left side. Neither of them looked up as she made her way quietly across the kitchen and grabbed a banana out of the enormous fruit bowl Alfred always kept stocked to the brim. If Stephanie wouldn’t have caught sight of her, she would have been content to watch the two talk until their conversation came to its natural end. Instead of continuing what she’d been about to say, Stephanie gave Cassandra a little wave, then signed _hello_ to her.

“I’m never going to get used to you sneaking around like a ninja. Can’t you make some sort of noise when you come in a room?” Duke looked pleadingly at her, but Cassandra shook her head no anyways. “Fine. I’m going to go shower. You two have fun.”

“We always do.”

Before leaving, Duke gave them a little wave and grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Unlike when Cassandra entered, the door clicked shut behind him. Now alone, Stephanie moved her arms to wrap around Cassandra’s waist and pressed a light kiss to Cassandra’s cheek.

“You smell like sweat. Did I interrupt?”

“No.” Cassandra moved her hands as she spoke, finding it easier to avoid stuttering when she used sign language at the same time. “I finished.”

“Then we’re still good for dinner before patrol. I’m starving and I’ve been craving Indian food all day. Work for you?”

“Yes.”

“Fantastic! Got your suit? We can change at my place instead of coming all the way back here.”

“In my ba-ag.”

“Let’s go! I could eat a horse.”

* * *

 

By the time they finished their patrol that night, it was nearly four in the morning and the edges of the skyline were beginning to tinge pink with hints of the soon to rise sun. It hadn’t been a particularly difficult patrol, but they’d been kept busy by a slew of petty criminals thinking they’d go unnoticed in the dark corners they haunted. Their blood was still pumped full of adrenaline and neither of them felt the tug of exhaustion that accompanied a difficult patrol. Even through the mask, Cassandra could make out the smirk that appeared on Stephanie’s face before she tugged Cassandra in the direction of Gotham Park.

Cassandra didn’t need the guiding hand to know where they were heading. Whenever they ended a patrol like this one, they always went to a small lake hidden in the trees Poison Ivy took care of when she had the chance. During the winter months, they would sit at the edge of the lake and talk next to the frozen water, but it was well into summer and the water would be warm enough for a morning swim. Stephanie always loved this time of year and would drag Cassandra if she didn’t go willingly, not that Cassandra minded a quick dip in the lake. The water may be a little murky, but she always had fun whenever she went swimming with Stephanie and floating on the water was rather calming.

As soon as the lake came into view, Stephanie stripped her mask from her head and started undoing the utility belt around her waist. It thunked heavily against the ground and was soon joined by her boots and costume. She sent Cassandra an expectant look, then bolted for the water with her blonde hair fanned out behind her by the wind. In one smooth motion, she dove gracefully into the water off a rickety dock, then appeared moments later in the middle of the lake. Before letting her body float lazily on the water, she motioned for Cassandra to hurry up and join her.

Like Stephanie, Cassandra quickly removed her uniform and left it in a small pile not far from the lake’s edge. She walked far enough into the water her feet were completely submerged, then wiggled her toes so he could watch the sand at the bottom of the lake floated up. The moment she stopped, some of the sand hovered for a second and the rest began to sink back to the bottom of the lake, like she had never messed with it at all. She cupped her hands together and brought them down to fill with water, before bringing them back up to watch the water slowly drain through the cracks between her fingers and hands. Cassandra loved the sound of the water splashing back into the lake with the rest and did it several times, while humming a song Stephanie always listened to under her breath.

“Are you ever going to join me?” There was no irritation in Stephanie’s voice, but Cassandra could tell the other girl was becoming restless without company in the water.

“Maybe. If you a-ask nicely.”

“Cass, will you, pretty please with rainbow sprinkles on top, get in the lake?”

“I suppose.”

The wood dock creaked under the weight of her feet, but she knew the dock would hold up despite the ominous sounds. Her feet barely touched the dock as she sprinted across the short distance, then her feet left the ground entirely. That moment she seemed to hover in the air always reminded her of swinging through the streets and sent her stomach dropping in anticipation for the fall. She loved that moment of uncertainty before the world righted itself again.

Instead of hitting the water like she expected, Cassandra slammed into something hard. Pain sparked through her neck for the briefest of moments. A stab of pain-there one moment and gone the next. The shock of it had her mind in a daze and in the second it took her mind to clear, water filled her lungs. She instinctively gagged on the unexpected liquid in her lungs, then tried to flip around so she wasn’t face down in the water. No matter how hard she tried, her limbs wouldn’t cooperate with her. There was nothing she could do to stop the water forcing its way in.

When her vision began to fade and her mind slowed, she thought all hope was lost. She would lose consciousness and the water would drag her under. Arms wrapping around her and pulling her in the direction of what she hoped to be the shore, felt so unexpected she would have screamed in shock if she could. Her mind struggled to process what was happening as she moved from the water to solid ground. Almost immediately, she coughed all the water out of her, then looked blurrily up at the person hovering over her.

Damp blonde hair falling around a pale face set part of Cassandra at ease. The part worrying whoever saved her had done so for some other reason than an act of kindness flew from her mind. Stephanie’s green eyes shone with worry, but that familiar determination still showed in the set of her jaw. Her hands gently ran over Cassandra’s head, no doubt looking for a bump or some other injury from what happened.

“I don’t feel anything, but I’m going to call an ambulance. Don’t move. It could make something worse.”

Instead of waiting for Cassandra to respond, Stephanie disappeared from sight the instant the last word left her mouth. The sound of her speaking quickly to someone reached Cassandra, but she was too distracted to pay attention to what she said. All she could focus on was the strange numbness she felt everywhere except her head. She couldn’t feel the ground against her back or legs, nor the water droplets she knew still clung to her skin. Her head throbbed and hurt where a rock dug into the back of her head, but that was it.

“They’re on their way.” Cassandra watched as Stephanie gentle took one of Cassandra’s hands in her own and felt nothing. She tried to squeeze her fingers to feel for herself that Stephanie really was holding her hand, but no amount of thinking or wishing or demanding made her fingers work. When she tried to move her other hand, the same thing happened. No amount of wanting moved her fingers or her toes.

Panic filled her at her body’s lack of response. She trained for years to get to the point her body would move without her having to even think about it and now it wouldn’t move at all. It felt foreign and wrong for her body to be so unresponsive. The fear she felt while face down in the water struggling to breath and unable to do anything returned in full force.

“I ca-an’t mo-ove. I-I can’t!”

“Everything will be fine! Just stay calm. They’ll be here soon and they’ll help. It’s their job to help people. They’ll help you.”

Despite Stephanie’s assurances and ramblings of her being fine, a pit deep in Cassandra’s stomach told her otherwise. Something felt different. Different from all the other times she’d been injured. Even though she didn’t know what exactly it was, she grew up trusting her instincts and those didn’t go away just because she hit her head. There was something wrong and nothing Stephanie said would change that.

* * *

 

Her mind felt foggy, almost like it’d been stuffed full of cotton. Every thought came to her slowly, inching through molasses to reach the forefront of her mind. The sluggishness bothered her, tugging at some part of her she didn’t have a name for in such a state. She clawed and battled her way through the haze and searched for the clarity she craved.

It all came to her pieces. First, she heard the sound of beeping, a steady rhythm that could only be the tempo of a heart steadily beating. Next, the questions plaguing her began to untangle and form coherent strings she could focus on finding the answers to. The number of questions coming together in her mind were dizzying and left her running in circles in her head as she figured out their solutions one by one. Lastly, her eyes blinked opened, while she continued to go through all the questions in her head.

This was in no way the first time she’d woken up in a hospital bed and she doubted it would be the last. The awful fluorescent lights she abhorred were all turned off in her room, so the only light came from the heart monitor on her right and the window on her left. Her eyes took longer than normal to adjust to the dark, probably because of whatever drug they were pumping into her system. There was no doubt the drug was also the reason she didn’t have any feeling in her limbs. She loathed the way drugs took away her control over her body, but knew better than to attempt to remove the IV or stop the drip. Sometimes, the drugs were better than facing the pain.

Most of the room looked incredibly ordinary, until she caught sight of someone curled up in a chair pulled up next to her bedside. Familiar blonde hair shone in the moonlight and her pale face seemed to glow. Something seemed off about the way Stephanie looked, but Cassandra knew she’d look the same if their roles were reversed. While they knew hazards were part of the job, it was still difficult to see the people they loved unconscious in a hospital bed. Not to mention, she had no idea how long she’d been here.

Without the ability to move her arms and her throat too dry to speak, Cassandra had no idea how she’d get a hold of Stephanie’s attention. Even though it looked like Stephanie might not have slept in a while, she knew Stephanie would want her to wake her up and not drift back to sleep. She’d been waiting by her bedside for Cassandra to wake up and keeping her waiting any longer than she already had was unthinkable. Luckily, green eyes slit open just the tiniest bit, then went wide upon catching sight of Cassandra.

“You’re finally awake.” Not having the ability to use her hands or voice, Cassandra tipped her heavy head in agreement. “Thank goodness. Don’t go back to sleep. I’m going to get your doctor. I’ll be right back.”

Even though she didn’t want her to, Cassandra watched as Stephanie stiffly made her way out of the room. She left the door slightly cracked behind her, allowing Cassandra to see a little bit of the hallway outside her door. From what she could tell, the walls looked to be a pleasant blue color and some sort of painting hung on the wall across from her door. She was so busy trying to figure out what the painting’s subject was, she missed the sound of Stephanie and the doctor coming down the hall.

The doctor propped her door all the way open, but didn’t make a move to turn on the lights. Instead, her doctor turned on a lamp sitting on her bedside table, then flipped open a chart in her hands. Her eyes didn’t look down at whatever information she had at her fingertips, because she was busy inspecting Cassandra. The calculating look in her eyes would normally set Cassandra on edge, but she knew the doctor wasn’t analyzing her the same way Cassandra analyzed other people when she looked at them like that.

“Hello, Cassandra. I’m Dr. Fitzroy and I’ll be the one in charge of your care while you’re in the hospital. I’ll need to turn the lights on to completely check you over, but we can wait until your eyes have taken some time to adjust to these lights. Do you need any water?” When Cassandra let out a grunt of agreement, the doctor messed with something at her waist for a second, then turned her full attention back to Cassandra. “I’ll ask you some simple questions while we wait for the water. You can blink once for yes and twice for no. Is that acceptable?”

Blink.

“Your name is Cassandra Cain.”

Blink.

“Your adopted father is Bruce Wayne.”

Blink.

“Your birthday is January 26th.”

Blink.

“You’re seventeen years old.”

Blink. Blink.

“Sixteen.”

Blink.

“You enjoy doing ballet in your spare time.”

Blink.

“You have three brothers: Dick, Tim, and Duke.”

Blink. Blink.

“You have a forth brother named Damian.”

Blink.

“Excellent. You remember who you are. Do you know where you are?”

Blink.

“Do you know why you’re here?”

Cassandra hesitated for a second as she tried to remember the last memory she had before waking up in the hospital. She’d gone out on patrol with Stephanie, that she was sure of, but what happened afterwards was a bit fuzzy. There was a vague memory of something to do with water and soaring through the air. Everything else seemed too distant for her to remember clearly.

Blink. Blink.

“We thought that might be a possibility. You hit your head on a log when you dove into a lake. It gave you a concussion, along with other injuries. I can explain it to you now or wait until you’ve had more time to rest. Would you like me to explain now?”

Blink. Blink.

“I’ll explain first thing in the morning. Once I’ve completed my examination and you’ve had plenty to drink, get some sleep. We’ve slowly been taking you off the drugs, so your head should be clearer in the morning. Do you think you can handle the lights?”

Blink.

* * *

 

Waking up the next morning came much easier. As her doctor had promised, the heaviness in her head from the drug had almost disappeared entirely and she could think clearly. Her limbs remained as unresponsive as they’d been the night before, but lying still for long periods of time tended to make her limbs feel that way. She allowed Stephanie to help her eat breakfast and drink some more water, then waited patiently for her doctor to show up.

At nine, a firm knock rattled her door, then her doctor stepped into the room with Bruce right on her heels. Instead of sitting in a chair, Bruce remained standing at the foot of Cassandra’s bed with both his hands gripping the footboard. He had the same tired look in his eyes that Stephanie did and bags just as deep and dark beneath his eyes. The normally stiff set of his shoulder were slumped down and Cassandra could just make out the dark stubble peppered along his jaw.

“Good morning, Cassandra.” The professional tone of her doctor’s voice pulled Cassandra’s attention away from her adoptive father. “I was told you ate all your breakfast this morning and drank a glass of water. That’s great news. How are you feeling this morning?”

“F-fine.”

“Good. I’ve already been in to take your vitals this morning, so I won’t need to do that again for another hour. If you’re ready for me to explain what you’re doing here, I can do that now.”

“I’m rea-ady.”

“I’ll try my best to explain it as well as I can, but don’t hestitate to stop me if you have any questions.” Her doctor waited for her to nod, then opened the chart she held in her hands. “Like I said last night, you hit your head on a log diving into a lake. It gave you a concussion, which is most likely why you don’t remember the accident. The angle and force you hit the log at caused a complete fracture of the C5 vertebra. In other words, you broke a vertebra at the bottom of your neck. It caused serve damage to your spinal cord. Once you were stable, we did a surgery to stabilize everything in your neck. With me so far?”

“Yes.”

The doctor nodded and tapped her pen against the chart. “With these kinds of injuries, there’s no cure or surgery we can perform to reverse the effects. The damage to your spinal cord is permanent. Luckily, the damage occurred at the C5 level and not the C4. Would you like me to tell you what this damage means?”

“Yes.”

“I know this will be difficult to hear, but try to remain calm. Damage to the spinal cord at this level paralyzes you from the neck down. You maintain the ability to breath and speak on your own because it occurred on the C5 level and not the C4. You’ve lost all ability to move your legs, arms, and torso. You still have mobility in your neck. Even though you can still breath, you might find it a bit more difficult to do so now. Some patients with an injury like this are able to raise their elbows and hands. Unfortunately, due to the nature of your injury, I doubt this will be the case for you. Still with me?”

“Yes.”

“While you’re in the hospital, we’ll start you on physical therapy and continue to monitor your vitals. There have been some amazing advancements in physical therapy for individual with quadriplegia, that I think will make coming to terms with your injury easier. You won’t be able to start it right away, but it’ll allow you to actively exercise. We’ll start you on light exercise, then work you up to the FNS bikes. I can have a nurse bring you more information.”

“I would li-ike that.”

“I’ll make sure it’s done. Do you have any questions or concerns? I know it’s a lot to take in at once and I haven’t told you everything, but I am here for you to talk to.”

“No.”

For a second, it looked like her doctor wanted to say something else, but she decided against it and headed for the door instead. “I’ll have a nurse bring by information on FNS and other helpful materials right away. If you have any questions, have someone write them down and I’ll answer them the next time I see you.”

“Thank you.”

Cassandra turned her attention away from the doctor as she slipped out the door and looked at the two standing silently by her bed. They both had expressions of concern on their face, but neither of them looked like they were going to say anything. She waited patiently for both of them to get their thoughts together and say whatever was on their mind.

“Cass, you heard what the doctor said… right?” Stephanie reached her hand out like she was going to grabbed Cassandra’s hand, but dropped it halfway there.

“Yes.”

“You can talk to us about how you feel. We won’t judge you or anything like that. We’re here for you.”

“I know and I-I’m fine.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Sure.”

* * *

 

It took more than a few hours to convince both Stephanie and Bruce they should leave the hospital long enough to eat, shower, and sleep. No amount of pointing out how tired they were or their haggard appearances swayed their decision to stay by her side. What finally moved them, came in the form of two of her dark-haired and blue-eyed brothers. Between the two of them, they were able to get both out of her room. Tim by gently coaxing Stephanie until she gave into his light prodding and assurance he would remain with Cassandra until she returned, while Jason practically manhandled Bruce out of the room.

They both wore the same exhausted look deep in their eyes, but it was plain to see they were taking better care of themselves than Bruce and Stephanie were, which was saying something. Those two were notorious for being the worst at taking care of themselves in their makeshift family. She watched as the two took up spots in her room, looking more like bodyguards than visitors with their placement choices. Jason crossed his large arms over his chest as he leaned against the wall next to the window and surveyed the room with critical eyes. At least Tim dropped into a chair between her and the door, so anyone walking in wouldn’t suspect him to be more than a visitor. The only reason she knew he remained on high alert like Jason, was due to the stiff set of his shoulders and slight tilt of his head to better see the door out of the corner of his eye.

She fought back the urge to roll her eyes at them and went back to analyzing the two pamphlets sitting on the tray raised to her chest for easier reading. They both described the recovery process in words she could mostly understand and included pictures-all people smiling and appearing far too happy to be real. The recovery process never had a happy moment, only the sweet relief of it ending ever brought a smile to her face. This one would be much longer and harder than any other she’d been through before, but the light at the end of the tunnel would get her through it. The thought of once again swinging through the streets and fighting crime alongside her family.

“What are those?” To her surprise, it was Jason, not Tim, that spoke to her in a gravelly voice.

“Information.”

“About?”

“Ph-phys-sical therapy.”

“Mind if I take a look?”

Cassandra inclined her head toward the pamphlets, then leaned back into her pillows to give her worn-out neck a break. While Jason scooped up the pamphlets, Tim picked up the water sitting on her bedside table and offered the dangling straw to her dry lips. She took several long pulls from the straw and gave Tim a smile in thanks when she finished, which he returned in kind. When he reached for her hand after setting down the glass, she expected him to stop the way Stephanie did every time she reached out to her. Instead, he placed his hand over hers, something she could see but not feel and squeezed the unresponsive fingers.

“How are you feeling?”

For a second, Cassandra attempted to shrug her shoulders in response, but their stillness reminded her of her current state. “Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I would think you’d be bored and ready to leave.” The look on Tim’s face made her think there was something else he wasn’t saying, but she didn’t push him to speak his mind.

“A little bored.”

“Barbara said she’d stop by around noon. I’m sure she’ll bring something to entertain you. You’ll have more to do when your physical therapy starts, too. Did they say when you’d begin?”

“Next week.”

“That’s good. Things must be healing well. Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We’re all here for you. All you have to do is ask. We’ll be here the instant you ask.”

“Thank yo-ou.”

“You don’t need to thank me. It’s what family’s for.”

Before he leaned back in his chair, he gave her hand another squeeze she couldn’t feel the gentleness or warmth of. She could imagine the sensation of Tim’s surprisingly smooth hand considering all the time he spent fighting, but that’s all she had at the moment. The memory of past touches and feelings against her skin. She needed to be patient. She needed to allow time to heal her. Time would heal her as it always did.

* * *

 

By her fourth week of physical therapy, all positivity she had transformed into anger and frustration as each session felt more pointless than the previous. After moving to the FNS bike at the end of her second week, she expected things to move at a faster pace with the addition of exercise. Each session left her more winded than the last, her body struggling to keep up with the demand of more air. Her physical therapist assured her things would get easier in time, that she needed to continue having patience. They encouraged her and were kind to her, but they couldn’t understand the desire to fly the streets of Gotham again.

Outside of physical therapy, she pushed her limbs to work again. She sat for hours watching her hand, willing it to do anything. A twitch, a spasm, a jerk. Anything that wasn’t lying listlessly against the bedsheets. Nothing ever changed in the lax muscles of her arms. They stayed stagnant and unable to follow her simple commands. Her shoulders and chest and hips and legs and feet, all remained just as unmoved by her pleas.

The others all picked up on her distraction and the dip in her mood. Some acted like things were normal and treated her the same as they always had-she wasn’t sure whether to be grateful for their fake demeanor or enraged. Dick tried his best to cheer her up when he dropped by with sweets and smiles and things she used to enjoy. Every time he left with a small crease between his brows because of his failure to bring a smile to her face. Others were skittish around her and treated her like she might break if they so much as breathed in her direction. Those were the visits that had her fuming by the time they left her. It made her wish she could do anything to take her mind off their uncertain faces and downcast eyes.

The only ones she could stand spending more than an hour with now were Barbara and Jason, who both spoke plainly and honestly to her. No pity hid in the depths of their eyes when they looked upon her and both called her out if she snapped at them for doing nothing. While she lie motionless in this torturous hospital bed, it was the only semblance of normal in her life. She found herself wishing they would stop by more often and Bruce and Stephanie less. The difference in the way they treated her was so obvious it made her blood boil.

“Want some water?”

“No.”

Stephanie placed the water down with a heavy sigh and rubbed at her red eyes. “Is there anything you want?”

“No.”

They fell into an uneasy silence and kept their eyes firmly away from where the other might catch them looking. Stephanie’s hands pulled unconsciously at the hem of her shirt and a look of defeat slowly twisted deep lines into her forehead. In the silence, Cassandra wished for her hands to move-to show some sign she didn’t need Stephanie’s constant worrying and doting. She glared down at her hand, catching Stephanie’s attention for doing so without meaning to.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you staring at you hand?” Comprehension dawned on Stephanie’s face and she stood abruptly from her chair. “Why? Why are you doing that? You know what the doctor said!”

“It will move.”

“No! It won’t. Your hands won’t move. Your neck will move and your head, but that’s it. Physical therapy won’t change that. Is that why you won’t let them teach you how to use a wheelchair? You think things will change? That all this will magically disappear if you try hard enough? It’s not going away! You read everything they gave us.”

“I know.”

“Then why do you keep acting like this? They’re trying to help-we’re trying to help you-and you refuse it.”

Cassandra glared at her girlfriend. “I do-don’t need it!”

“Yes, you do. You need help. You need them to teach you and us to aid you. What is so wrong with needing help? Why won’t you accept the fact this is your life now. There’s no more fighting crime or dancing or anything that has to do with moving your limbs. When you figure that out you can start living in the real world again and move on with your life, instead of being stuck in that hospital bed when you’re not at physical therapy.”

“Get ou-out.”

“Cass-”

If she could have, Cassandra would have slammed her fist down on the tray table. “Get out!”

The chair scrapped against the ground as Stephanie hastily stood up with a blank expression plastered on her usually expressive face. Her boots landed heavily against the ground, emphasizing the heavy silence filling the hospital room. She opened the door, but didn’t immediately move to leave the room like Cassandra demanded she do.

“I’m sorry I said things the way I did, but it’s time somebody said it. You can’t keep living in this fantasy world, while life goes on around you. You’ll miss so much sitting in here trying to make your hands move. I don’t want you to regret not realizing it, until it’s too late to do anything about it.”

“Please, leave.”

The door clicked shut behind her and a tear slid down Cassandra’s cheek.

* * *

 

A frustrated sigh left her mouth and she leaned her head back against the headrest of the practice wheelchair they gave her to start learning. Their instructions made it seem simple enough, but she’d been at it for hours and could barely control the wheelchair. She would aim for a certain spot in the room and never be able to hit the mark. She would undershoot it the first time, then overcompensate and go way past it the next time she tried. The whole process lacked the type of precision she used to always have when learning something new. It was all trial and error and it was slowly driving her to the brink of her patience.

“How’s it coming?” Barbara pushed off the doorframe, so she could walk a little farther into the room and shut the door behind her.

“Slow.”

“Not surprising. It took me a while to get the hang of it and my wheelchair was a lot simpler than yours. In time, you’ll figure it out and it’ll become second nature to you. Kind of like a grapple gun. It’s just another tool to get you from one place to another. Just make sure to stick the landing and you can try again as many times as you need to get everything else right.”

“H-How did you le-earn?”

“Hours of practice. It wasn’t fun and it got on my nerves sometimes, but it’s what I had to do. After all, practice makes perfect.”

With more determination than her last attempt, Cassandra picked a spot in the room and breathed into the straw, only going a little past the spot. “Missed.”

“So, try again. You’re letting the bad guy get away.”

“What?”

“It’s a game I used to play. Sometimes Dick would help, so I had something visible to aim for, but I would play it when I practiced on my own, too. I’d pick a spot and imagine someone was there with their back to me, like a thief or a thug. If I was angry enough, I’d imagine the Joker. The game was I had to hit that spot to knock them over and save whoever they were going after. Land short and they hear you coming in time to move. Go too far and they might land on you and hurt you. It made things more interesting than aiming for one spot, then another.”

“Where’s the bad guy now?”

Barbara pressed a finger to her lips like she was thinking, then moved to stand a few feet away from her. “I’m right here. Catch me if you can.”

For the better part of an hour they played Barbara’s game. The older women sometimes dodged just before Cassandra hit her or rolled to a new spot for her to aim at. Other times, she let Cassandra bump gently against her legs, being careful to make sure the impact wasn’t enough to do more than help the wheelchair stop a touch faster. In that hour, Cassandra gained more control over the wheelchair than she’d gained in all her previous hours of practice combined. A little bit of the heaviness weighing down her heart lifted and she smiled for the first time in several months.

* * *

 

Returning to Wayne Manor after being away for months should have felt like coming home and everything she associated with home, like warmth and safety. None of those feelings or emotions came to her upon entering the place she called home. Alfred’s smiling face and promise they’d be having her favorite food to celebrate her return, didn’t change the hollow feeling gradually taking over. The sight of warm brown flooring, beige walls, and fancy light fixtures didn’t send relief through her. All she could see were the stairs she couldn’t climb any longer and the doors she couldn’t open. Home wouldn’t be the freedom she imagined it to be.

To her relief, Bruce took her straight up to her room and placed her down in the new wheelchair he bought for her to replace the used hospital one. She assumed it must be the top of the line, but she didn’t care about how fancy and expensive it was. All she wanted was to be left alone for the rest of the night and not fussed over by every person at Wayne Manor. This hope was dashed when Bruce sat down on the edge of her bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m working on having some things installed that’ll make it easier to move around without needing help. It should all be finished by the end of next week.”

“Thanks.”

The arms across his chest dropped and he leaned down with his elbows braced against his knees. “I’m… not very good at this. Barbara never needed my help after the Joker. She had her own father to look after her and Dick helped as well. After she formed the Birds of Prey, she had more people to help when she needed it. I would have been there if she needed me, but she didn’t. I’m trying to be there for you, but I’m new to this. If I’m overbearing or overstepping, all you have to do is tell me and I’ll stop. If you need anything at all, you can ask and I’ll do what I can. I can’t promise I won’t mess up, but I’ll try. Is that enough?”

“Yes”

“Do you need anything now?”

“No.”

“Will you come down for dinner?”

As always, Bruce kept his face and eyes devoid of any emotion that might give away the answer he wanted to hear. When she first met him, she found the inability to read him frustrating, but she grew to like these moments of uncertainty. She found it gave her options she wouldn’t have considered, if she could read exactly what he wanted her to respond with. It gave her choice and she was grateful for that choice, especially at the present moment. Despite his desire to help her, she still wanted to be left alone.

“No.”

“I’ll have Alfred bring up dinner when it’s time.”

“Thank you.”

“There’s an intercom now for you to use. Just go up to it and it’ll turn on. We’ll be able to hear you.”

Cassandra gave a nod of acknowledgement, then watched Bruce leave the room and shut the door behind him. The silence left in his wake sank into Cassandra and dragged her deep into her own head. Hate at her current situation, at her body, at the future she would never have, flared to life in her head. Awful thoughts reared their ugly heads and made them impossible to ignore. There was nothing to distract her from those thoughts. They took their freedom and made the most of it.

* * *

 

The walls of her room felt like iron bars keeping her caged and away from the rest of the world going on outside her door. Everyone dropped by to visit her-Stephanie, Bruce, Alfred, Duke, Tim, Barbara, Dick, Damian, Harper, Kate, Jason-but most of them didn’t stay for long. They had lives to live and people to save once the sun went down. She was the only stuck in the same room with the same routine every single day. She was the only one that couldn’t save people and fight against the evil living on the streets of Gotham.

She couldn’t even take care of herself. She needed someone to feed her because she couldn’t pick up utensils and someone to change her clothes because she couldn’t even take them off the hangers. Even scratching her nose when it itched, required the help of someone else. It made her a liability. Made her useless and weak. There wasn’t anything she could do to help and she constantly needed it.

The only time they got a break from helping her with everything was during the physical therapy sessions she had from Monday to Friday. Those weren’t going any better than the ones she had while staying in the hospital. She was gradually getting better at working the wheelchair and could go a touch longer on the bike, but what use were those tiny accomplishments-if you could even call them that-in the grand scheme of things. They wouldn’t help the others stay safer or get villains off the street. They didn’t help her feed herself or change her clothes or itch her nose. Now, she could move fairly well on her own and could stay some form of fit, but why did that matter?

She would never fight again or fly through the streets. She couldn’t provide backup for anyone or do reconnaissance. She’d never wear another mask or pretend to be someone else again. The things she spent her entire life learning and perfecting were now all but useless to her.

Useless. A word she found herself using and thinking more and more frequently. She hated the word. She hated it with every fiber of her being, but she couldn’t think of a better one to describe her current state. Everything about her was useless. She brought nothing to the table anymore. Fighting experience was useless when she couldn’t fight. Reading people’s body language was useless when she couldn’t get to the bad guys to read them. It was all useless. She was useless.

The others would see that eventually, that she was sure of. Where was her place in their little family, when she couldn’t be of any use to them? They might support her now, but would they when they finally realized how useless she had become. She didn’t have a place anymore-a slot she fit easily into and stood alongside the others. There was nothing to tie her to the rest of them. She didn’t have a point. The others had goals and missions and objectives and she sat in a wheelchair all day with her arms on cushions and her feet on plastic.

At least when Barbara had been in a wheelchair, she could help the others in other ways. She could type away on her computer and pull up more information than most people could come up with during months of interrogations. When she had to, she could still fight and take enemies out because she could use her hands. She could use a weapon and pressure points to bring down people that thought she couldn’t hold her own.

Cassandra could do none of that. If an enemy came after her, the best she could do was hit them with her wheelchair like the game Barbara taught her and try to get away. What was the point of her staying around, when that’s all she could do and she needed so much of their help all the time? Nothing would change. She would need their help for the rest of her life, but that didn’t mean they would stick around to give it to her.

There was no place for her now. No reason for them to let her stay and for them to continue helping her. She didn’t have anything to give them. All she could do was take. Take their time and their energy. Take and take and take.

* * *

 

Stephanie stabbed the last of the waffle through with the fork, then lifted it up so Cassandra could finish off the last of her breakfast. Despite the fact she rarely felt hungry, she always forced herself to eat to avoid getting a lecture or worried looks. She did her best to pretend to be happy and working hard to adjust, but she felt tired and worthless all the time. When they went out at night for patrol, she didn’t have to put on the false persona and deal with people surrounding her all the time.

The tray was placed on the small table Dick and Duke moved into her room to provide another flat surface for things to be placed on. She expected Stephanie to open the curtains to let light into the room, then give her the morning medication sitting in a cup on her dresser. Instead, she went straight for the pills and offered them up for Cassandra to take. Cassandra glanced from the pills to the window, then up at Stephanie-hoping for a reason for the change in routine. Her girlfriend provided no answer. She simply raised her hand a little higher and waited for Cassandra to take them.

“We’re going outside today.”

“No.”

“I’m not asking. You haven’t left this room in almost three weeks for anything but physical therapy sessions. The only time you’ve been outside the past few months was getting from the hospital to the car and the car to here. It’s time you got some fresh air. We can go around the back garden and find a nice spot to sit for a while.”

“I…” Cassandra looked at the window again and felt a sudden urge to feel the sun warm her skin. “Fine.”

“Great. I’ll grab you a jacket. It’s starting to get a little cold.”

“It’s September.”

“Yes.”

“I missed your birthday.”

A surprised look sparked on Stephanie’s face, but it quickly dropped. “I guess we both did. Let’s go. It’s nice out right now, but it looks like it might rain.”

With only a little difficulty, Cassandra maneuvered out of the room and down the hall to the recently renovated elevator. Instead of using the voice command, she waited for Stephanie to press the button for the first floor and stared at her girlfriend’s back. Her posture was much stiffer than it used to be when they were alone, something that changed after their fight at the hospital. While nothing about the way she spoke gave it away, Stephanie’s body language told Cassandra she now walked on eggshells around her. There’d been several times Cassandra considered saying anything that might break this awkward limbo they fell into, but she could never bring herself to do it. It seemed too pointless to bother.

The elevator door slid open with a soft ding and Stephanie stepped out of the elevator. She didn’t wait to watch Cassandra get out like the others did. Her eyes stayed facing forward the entire length of the hallway, until she reached a set of doors leading to the garden. After propping one open, she held the other and waited for Cassandra to make it through the open doors. When she missed on the first attempt, Cassandra considered calling it quits and going back to the safety of her room, but she went too far to turn back now.

Finally making it through the doors, didn’t make her feel any better about agreeing to get out of her room for something other than her physical therapy. Suddenly, the idea of the sun on her skin and the breeze blowing her hair around didn’t sound so appealing. As she made her way down one of the paths, she noticed the flowers looked dull and the leaves shriveled. The clouds above appeared more grey than white and no doubt held what would soon drown everything unlucky enough to be outside. She came to a stop in a well-hidden corner and glanced over the rest of the garden with disinterest.

“Ca-can we go inside no-ow?”

“We just got out here. Why not stay out a little longer? It’s a nice day.”

“No.”

Stephanie’s eyebrows furrowed and her lips turned down. “What do you mean no? The sun’s shining, there’s a nice breeze, the leaves are starting to change colors. It’s better than most fall days are in Gotham.”

“Not nice.”

“Guess that’s a matter of opinion.”

They lapsed into a stiff silence that might have been stifling, if it weren’t for the open space allowing it all to drift away. At first, Cassandra counted the seconds ticking by to pass the time, but she soon grew bored and felt her eyes slowly slipping shut. The exhaustion constantly plaguing her begged to let the sweet embrace of sleep take her over and she desperately wanted to comply. Stephanie’s presence at her side kept her from letting sleep take her-a constant reminder she wasn’t alone nagging at the back of her mind.

“Are we going to talk about what happened at the hospital or keep pretending it never happened?” When Cassandra didn’t response, Stephanie let out a heavy sigh and pulled at her ponytail in agitation. “I’m going to talk and you can listen if you want. I know this isn’t easy on you and I’m trying to let you have your space to work things out. How I said those things to you at the hospital was wrong. I should have been more understanding and kinder about the way I said it. I let my anger at… everything get the better of me and I shouldn’t have. I’m trying my best here and I know it’s not good enough, but I won’t stop. I’ll be here for you every morning to help you with breakfast and change your clothes and do your hair or none of that. I’ll be whatever you need me to be and do whatever you need me to do. Just tell me and I’ll be and do anything for you.”

“No. I don’t… I don’t…” Cassandra took a shaky breath, then imagined her hands forming the words she wanted to say. “I don’t want you to be tha-at. You’re my girlfriend, not my-my-”

“Cass, no matter what I do, I’m still your girlfriend. Nothing will change that, unless you want it to.”

“No!”

“Good, because I don’t want it to either. I hate this distance between us. I want to be here for you. I want to be by your side helping you and learning with you. We’re stronger together than we are apart. Will you let me back in?”

“Yes. Can we go in-inside now?”

“Probably a good idea. It looks like it might rain.”

* * *

 

Her lungs burned and her head spun. She couldn’t decide whether to greedily suck in as much air as possible or take a long pull on the straw dangling in her mouth. The indecision left her spluttering on water, setting off a new bout of pain in her aching lungs. A hand reached out to do something to the bike, then everything slowed down enough for Cassandra to catch her breath again. Once it was back under control, she turned her head to look at her physical therapist sitting patiently by her side.

“You did well today. Seven minutes longer than the longest session you did last weeks. You’re getting better at controlling your breathing and staying hydrated. Your father mentioned you were pretty active before the accident. With all this progress, I’d feel comfortable teaching him and a few others how all this works, so you can do this more often. For the first few times, I’d want to be here to make sure they do everything correctly, but after that they’d be free to help you whenever you want.”

“That sounds,” Cassandra swallowed down another gulp of air. “good.”

“Come up with a list by our next session, then I’ll work with your father on setting up times for them to learn. Is there anything else you wanted to do today? We have a little more time.”

“Not today. St-Steph’s here.”

“No wonder you were so motivated. You just wanted to hurry up and get out of here. I’ll try not to take it too personal.” Her physical therapist sent her a playful wink, while she finished moving Cassandra from the bike to her wheelchair.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I remember what it’s like and I know these sessions aren’t nearly as entertaining as spending time with your girlfriend. If it were me, I’d want to hurry up and get out of here too. You can only stare out a window so long before it gets boring.”

“I like them.”

“Really?”

“Better tha-an speech.”

“Not much of a talker?”

Cassandra shook her head, then made her way over to the door without much trouble. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you, Cass!”

The halls were oddly quiet for the time of day, but she didn’t think much of it as she made her way to her room. To her surprise, Stephanie wasn’t waiting patiently for her in Cassandra’s room like she normally would-earbuds in and music turned up loud enough to hear from the doorway. Cassandra internally debated whether she should head down to the kitchens to see if Stephanie got distracted by someone else, but the thought of having to ride the elevator right back up if she wasn’t there, didn’t appeal to her. It’d be easier to check all the upstairs spots Stephanie might be in than go in order of probability of her being there.

By the time she got halfway down the hall, she found all the rooms to be completely devoid of people. Even the library, which normally had at least one person in it at all times, looked to be oddly empty. She nearly gave up and decided to head down the elevator despite the hassle, when the sound of voices coming from Bruce’s office reached her ears. It would have been a normal occurrence, if it weren’t for the female voice that sounded suspiciously like Stephanie coming from it. She got her wheelchair as close to the slightly open door as she could without letting either of them know she was lurking outside the door.

“-rking on it. Do you have a design ready?”

“I have a few ideas, but I’m not sure which one to go with.”

“Can I see them?” Cassandra expected Stephanie to say no, but going off what Bruce said next, she must have agreed. “They all look good.”

“I want it to be perfect.”

“l know and she’ll appreciate whatever you decide to go with. You know her best. Whatever you decide to go with will be the right choice.”

“I hope so and umm… thanks again. For doing all this, I mean. I couldn’t have done any of this on my own. You made it all possible. Thank you.”

The sound of someone moving around the room barely made it through the crack and to Cassandra’s waiting ears. “There’s no need to thank me. I’m more than happy to do it.”

“I know we didn’t get along before… Before. But I’m glad we get along now. I don’t know how I would have handled things if you were there for me. Barbara and Tim have been great, but there’s only so much the two of them can do.”

“It’s better this way.”

“Yeah.”

Bruce cleared his throat, probably shift uncomfortably as he did so. “Since we’re done here, you should get going. Cass will be getting out soon and I’m sure she’ll be looking for you the moment she does.”

“Right and I’m sure you need to get back to whatever you were doing before I interrupted.”

“Even if I don’t want to, you’re right. I should get back to work. Will you be staying for dinner? Tim mentioned the two of you were planning to patrol together.”

“I’ll think about it and let Alfred know what I decided.”

Knowing their conversation wouldn’t go on much longer, Cassandra made her way as carefully and quietly as possible to the library. She breathed in the familiar smell of books and wood and leather-most likely curtsey of Jason-that took over her senses. The last time she’d been in here, things were complete different. She was completely different. Now that she couldn’t move her arms, she didn’t see the point of coming into a library full of books with pages she couldn’t flip through. She made her way over to the window and stared out at the grounds while she waited for Stephanie to find her.

* * *

 

“Good evening.” Alfred set the dinner tray down on the table next to her and took the mouth stick from her when she finished. “Hard at work practicing I see. I’ll let you get back to it after dinner. I made stew for this evening to combat the chilly weather. Hopefully, you find it agreeable.”

“Always good.”

“You flatter me.”

They lapsed into silence while Alfred fed her bite after bite and offered her sips of water when she needed it. Other than Stephanie, Alfred was the only one that ever helped her eat on a regular basis and they developed a simple routine that worked for her. It was nice to have this unspoken arrangement between the two of them. She rarely felt aggravated or demeaned when Alfred spent mealtimes with her.

“If you don’t mind, I have a suggestion.”

“What?”

“Perhaps, it is time you found a hobby. Something to occupy your time. You’re becoming quite adept at using your wheelchair and mouth stick. A little research might uncover something you could do. Reading has always been more of Master Todd’s hobby than yours.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve heard birdwatching is quite a popular hobby.”

Cassandra wrinkled up her nose in disgust, then smiled when Alfred let out a little chuckle. “Too boring.”

“I dare say, I would agree with you. A little more active a hobby. I noticed you have quite the fondness for art. I bet you could start there.”

“Art…”

“Many people find art to be a relaxing and enjoyable pastime. They find it soothing and use it as an outlet for emotional expression. It could be of interest to you.”

“I’ll lo-ok it up.”

“Excellent.” With the last of her dinner gone, Alfred rose from his chair and picked up the tray of empty dishes. “I shall leave you to your practicing. Is there anything else you require before I go?”

“No, thank you.”

After giving her a little smile, Alfred returned the mouth stick to her before leaving the room with the door slightly ajar. Cassandra considered going back to the book Dick recommended she read, but Alfred had been right when he said it was more Jason’s thing than her own. Even though Dick suggested something more modern than the others had, she still found it incredibly boring and struggled to keep her mind focused on it.

It couldn’t hurt to look for something more interesting than reading and birdwatching to do with her time. The worst that could happen was finding there was nothing she could have any fun doing compared to reading book after book. With some difficulty, she moved the book out of her way and used the mouth stick to bring the tablet propped up on her desk to life. When the search engine popped up on the screen, she hesitated to type words into the bar.

It would be the first time she wrote it down. The word splashed all over the pamphlets the doctors and nurses and physical therapists gave to her at the hospital. A word spoken to her, but one she’d never actually said. A word she still let have a hold over her all these months after it first became a prominent force in her life. But why? Why let a word have so much hold over her? She didn’t want it to have a hold over her any longer.

After steeling her revolve, she typed it in the search bar followed by the word art and hit the search button. Pictures popped up on the screen, then suggested links filled the rest of the page. Not knowing where else to start, she clicked on the first link and read the short article. She tapped on the back button with her mouth stick and went to the next link and the next, until she finished the entire first page.

* * *

 

The wind blowing in from her open window felt cold against her face and caused the tips of her ears and nose to go numb. Upon her request, Alfred had opened one of the windows in her room and wrapped a warm comforter around her to keep her from getting too cold. The morning had been a strange break in her normal routine and fresh air gave her some relief. It didn’t make things any better, but it was harder to dwell on the thoughts wanting to consume her with the cold biting at her.

Stephanie not showing up this morning to help her with breakfast and get dressed seemed like a confirmation of her worst fears. While those thoughts had substantially lessened since she started being able to do more things on her own with the aid of her mouth stick, they still haunted her from time to time. Maybe this was just a fluke-an outlier-but Stephanie hadn’t texted or called to let her know their normal plans were changing. She didn’t mention anything the day before or mention any reason she might be late.

Maybe, she really was starting to put a divide between them. Stephanie might have said multiple times she wouldn’t be going anywhere, but promises were broken all the time. They were flimsy things that could snap under considerably less strain than what rested on Stephanie’s promise. If Stephanie left, then the others would follow soon after. It was only a matter of time.

A knock on her door pulled Cassandra from her thoughts and to the wide-open door. “Hey! Sorry I’m late. It took longer than expected to pick this stuff up. Want help getting dressed? I have something planned for after.”

“What?”

“It’s a surprise. We’ll be done in time for your speech therapy. Promise.”

“Fine.”

“What do you want to wear?”

“Blue top, yoga pa-ant.”

It didn’t take Stephanie long to find the right long-sleeved shirt and a pair of yoga pants that could completely cover Cassandra’s legs. Those quickly took the place of the sleep shirt and pants Stephanie changed her into the night before. She couldn’t feel them against her skin, but she knew they would have felt soft and warm and comforting.

“All done. Ready to go?”

“Go where?”

“Like I said, it’s a surprise.” Stephanie smiled wide and took a step closer to the door.

“How do I get there?”

“Follow me.”

The blonde disappeared from the room and left the door open behind her-a clear message to Cassandra she had to follow for answers. Despite her uncertainty, Cassandra left the room and looked for where Stephanie had gone. She barely caught sight of her entering a room down the hall and made her way over to it without realizing just what room it was. The light wood flooring and the wall covered in one large mirror immediately tipped her off to the room she unwittingly entered.

The room that had once been her personal dance studio, now looked different from the simple studio it used to be. The ballet barre had been removed and the walls were now painted a pleasant light blue, like a robin’s egg. Her favorite things were the different paintings done on the walls and signed with the familiar signatures of her family. Some were almost impossible to distinguish as anything real, while others were so detailed they took her breath away and in the middle of it all was Stephanie.

“What do you think?”

“Beautiful. Wh-what is it?”

“Anything you want it to be, but I was thinking it might be an art studio.”

The conversation she had with Alfred a week ago sprang to mind and she looked suspiciously at Stephanie. “Did Alfred know?”

“Everyone knew, but I might have asked him to talk to you about the hobby thing. He’s better at bringing stuff like that up than I am. He said you seemed interested in art. I might have bought you a few things already. Obviously, you don’t have to use them if you don’t like it, but I thought you could try it out.”

“I bo-bought some supplies, too.”

“Great minds. There was something else I wanted to ask you. You don’t have to say yes or feel pressured into it, but I was thinking it might be nice to go out on a date again. We could do something simple, like go to the movies and get ice cream. It’s been ages since we shared a sundae. What do you say?”

“I don’t know. I don’t… know.”

“Please?” Stephanie gently cupped her cheeks and pressed a light peck to her lips. “If we get out and you decide you want to go home, then we’ll leave. Can we please try? It’ll be great. Better than our first.”

“E-everything is better than our first.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

* * *

 

Picking between all the colors laid out before her felt like a monumental task-one she wasn’t sure she wanted to take on. It was hard enough to figure out what she should paint when she’s never painted before, but picking out colors on top of that was an immense pressure. She thought watching videos of people mouth-painting might inspire her and give her a better idea of what she should be doing. That turned out to be a gigantic failure.

She had no idea how long she’d been sitting in front of the blank canvas staring at it and hoping something would come to mind. So far, all ideas alluded her and the debate over what color to start with didn’t have a solution. There were too many options and decisions to make and she didn’t even know the best place to start. A blank canvas and she was already stuck on what to do next.

Once again, she looked down at the wide array of colors surrounding her and tried to think of something to do. When her eyes landed on the various shades of purple, she found herself stopping to consider the color. Since she started dating Stephanie, she always associated purple with her and found it a comforting color to look at. She dipped the brush in the same shade of purple as Stephanie’s Spoiler costume, then brought it up to the canvas.

For several seconds, she left the brush hovering directly over the canvas. The indecision over what to do next meant the paint slowly dripped off the brush and landed on the mat below. She glanced down at the splashes of paint splattered across the mat and tilted her head in thought. There was something almost enjoyable about the sight.

When she focused her attention on the canvas again, she flicked the brush up and let out an annoyed grunt at the lack of paint. She dipped the brush in the same color and did the flicking motion one more time. This time a large splash of color stained the canvas, giving her the exact look she’d been trying to get. After dipping the brush again and wiping off a bit of the excess, she flicked it again and got a smaller splatter to the right of the first.

She continued to do the same flicking motion with a couple different shades of purple, until a good portion of the canvas was covered in purple paint. Despite all the paint, something about it didn’t feel quite right. All the purple was nice to look at, but there needed to be another color. Looking down at the colors, it didn’t take her long to decide black needed to join the various purples.

Several splatters later, she stopped to look at the painting and felt a rush of pride run through her at the sight. It wasn’t the most incredible painting and it wouldn’t show up in any museums, but it turned out better than she expected her first painting to go. All the stress she’d been experiencing in the buildup to her first painting had melted away and she felt the same calm she used to feel after dancing wash over her. She clung to the familiarity of it and couldn’t wait to do it again.

* * *

 

“Do you have everything you will need?” Despite the fact Alfred had packed her bag, Bruce still looked concerned she might be missing some crucial item. “I know you have lunch, but-”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Bruce pursed his lips together tightly, but didn’t ask again. “If you need anything today, just call the office and I can be at the school immediately. It’s only a nine-minute walk from work.”

“Don’t forget she’ll have us looking after her.” Duke picked her backpack off the ground and slung it over his free shoulder. “I bet Steph or Tim or both of them will be by your side all day. You’ll be wishing we don’t go to the same school together. On the plus side, Damian doesn’t go to the same school.”

“Point taken.”

“See you in the car, Cass.”

“Even if your siblings will be there to help, you can still call me if you need anything.”

“I know.”

“Good. I should leave or I’ll be late to my meeting. Have fun at school.”

“Have fun at work.”

With a little chuckle, Bruce headed for the garage and held the door open for Stephanie when she popped up in the doorway. The change in their relationship was something Cassandra hadn’t gotten used to yet. The two had avoided each other for so long, it was weird to see them easily get along. She knew it had everything to do with her, but Cassandra didn’t like to think about that being the reason they actually spoke to each other.

“Where’s your backpack?”

“Duke.”

“And where’s Duke?”

“Car.”

After giving a little nod, Stephanie leaned in to kiss her on the forehead and rested her hand atop Cassandra’s. “We should get to the car. If we wait much longer, we might be late to your first day of school. Wouldn’t want that. School is such a magical experience.”

“Sure.”

“What? Don’t believe me? Don’t think going to high school is going to be exactly like what you see in movies?”

“No.”

“It’s not, but it shouldn’t be too bad. You’ll have all of us there to keep you company and we’ll be able to talk during lunch. Don’t be surprised if it ends up being incredibly boring. Most days are super boring.”

“That’s fine.” Even though she was nervous, a huge part of her felt thrilled at the prospect of experiencing something new. “I want this.”

“I know. The others are waiting for us. Ready to go?”

“Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can visit me on Tumblr (SociallyAwkwardFoxWriter) for updates on what stories I have planned to post next. Hope you enjoyed!


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